Have you wondered how much your frame of mind shapes your reality?
In November 2021, we visited my mother-in-law in Tanzania, Africa. We haven’t seen her in over five years. When we visited in 2016, Tanzania was bustling. New highrises everywhere and many new restaurants to explore. We saw more expatriates and Chinese-owned businesses. The economy was booming. Since the pandemic, Tanzania has become quieter. Many expatriates left.
Whenever we visited Tanzania, we frequented the local sugarcane stall. It’s right in Dar Es Salaam’s city center. They would manually extract the sugarcane juice. Then add lime juice to produce a delicate balance of sweetness accentuated by a mild hint of tartness and freshness. (My mouth is salivating, recounting the delicate balance of tastes!)
I visited Tanzania for the first time in 2014. Back then, there were fewer foreigners. As a Chinese woman married to an Indian, we stood out. Local East African men frequented the sugarcane stall. As I sipped the delicious juice, I couldn’t help but be conscious of my foreignness. When we visited again in 2016, we returned to the same stall. Local African men sat on the bench to enjoy their sugarcane juice, and the flies kept them company. Nothing changed, although I was in a different frame of mind. The temperature was much hotter this time. Who cared! No one could stop me from enjoying sugarcane juice in this unbelievably hot weather.
Fast forward five years later, we returned in 2021 to the sugarcane juice stall we love so much. This time was different. Many foreigners left because of the pandemic. This time, I reverted to the fear and uneasiness I experienced in 2014. I noticed my heart was beating faster. There was a lot of inner chatter – Are the glasses well cleaned? A man is coughing. No one is wearing a mask! Are people looking at us because we’re non-locals?…. I had to calm myself with a few deep breaths. The making of the sugarcane and cleaning of the machine remained the same. The locals had been without masks for many months, and yet they were enjoying their juice. Then I checked with my husband, who wasn’t concerned about COVID. I realized my anxiety was more than it needed to be.
Have you ever wondered how much of your reality is perceived vs. actual? In this scenario, my frame of mind was shaping my reality. I’m a positive person, and being a foreigner wasn’t a big deal since my husband and I traveled a lot. On that day, however, a few triggers made me apprehensive: hot weather, my limited hours of sleep due to jet lag, and COVID. I had more anxiety around COVID than usual, which stopped me from enjoying the present. At that moment, I noticed my heart was beating faster than usual. So I had to calm my nerves through deep breaths, self-reflection, and checking in with my husband.
In my years of coaching, I’ve found people’s mindset often prevents them from enjoying the people they are with and being in the present moment. Instead, their focus is usually on the past or the future. Sometimes, the heightened anxiety and fear limit their ability to move forward and enjoy life daily. Operating in such a state keeps us stuck as we swirl around in anxiety, fear, and non-stop negative emotions. Because I worked from this reactive place, I couldn’t enjoy the delicious, refreshing juice I had liked.
I found these coping mechanisms helpful that day to minimize my anxiety.
- As I noticed my heart beat faster than usual, I took deep breaths. I was breathing deep from my gut and breathing out slowly, making quiet sighing sounds in the effort to let go of my anxiety.
- I observed the scene and challenged my thinking. The locals were still frequenting the stall. Wouldn’t it be closed if COVID was a concern?
- Then, I checked to see if my husband had similar concerns, and his reply reassured me to trust that everything would be alright.
And everything turned out fine. So we returned home without being infected with COVID.
What coping skills have you developed to get yourself out of endless, fear-driven thinking? I’d love to hear what has worked for you.
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